Just A Process - Transition does not define us

I wish I could tell you more about who I am here. I am concerned that if you read enough of one of these things you can parse it to assemble a pretty good picture of who the person is in the world and then potentially wreck havoc on them. I know you are saying, but you have your photo right there!. Well that is not exactly me, it is an impression of what I will look like at some point. It is a Virtual FFS photo.

I will probably give away some info here to make my point. So here goes. I am a complete person, I have a life, career, family and a host of interests and activities. I just happen to also be transsexual. You are saying "so what" now. Allow me to explain this.

A few years ago, my wife had cancer, at a very advanced stage, and it was a long hard ugly slog. Today it has been five years since, and she is well and by all appearances is the poster child for success. But when she had the cancer, it took over everything. Every call, letter, discussion, with friends and family was about treatment, and progress, and side effects, and that she was a person with cancer. In fact there was hardly a day that went by where the cancer was not mentioned. She became, cancer girl. It was what she was. And. She hated it. I did too. Because at the time I also had a health issues (upcoming post on how it feels to have your chest cut open) and of course by association I became "spouse of cancer girl" and then had my own bucket of labels on top of it. Mind you I did not resent her, I resented everybody else who could not talk about anything other than my and her ailments.

Now I know most people were well meaning. They wanted to wish us well, and a speedy recovery, and good will, and prayers and whatever. But the mere act, caused the topic to come back front and center over and over and over. And after a time, you realized, you are being defined by your condition and not who you are. My wife is a smart person, she is well educated, she has published, she has hobbies, she has interests, she is a mother, none of which have to do with cancer. And on any given day the fact of the cancer ruled, and overwhelmed, those other aspects of who she is. And in no small measure, not because she reminded herself of it, but because it was the context that others chose to relate to her. Cancer girl.

And so my being trans has a similar ring to it. Now I am not totally out. Let me qualify out, if you are my wife, or my therapist, or a reasonably identified online friend (meaning I know you are trans too and we have had more than a casual conversation), or you are a member of one of my local support groups, then you know and have seen me, well, as me. Otherwise I am in stealth, living as a guy, and I have discovered I can pass as a guy, who knew? Anyhow I digress. I know I have yet to see the real brunt of this label. When I truly come out, I expect to be tossed into the general public "freak" bin. I expect that I will be introduced to people as "Transsexual". That me being trans will be the primary focus of other's impression of who I am.

My point is, being trans is only one part of me. I still have a career (something I am really good at), family, hobbies, interests, activities that I think define me much more than being trans. Or let me put it all another way. I am who I am, I like what I like, I do what I do. I just happen to want to be female when doing it.

So in the world, I really do not want this label, of transsexual. I want to be a woman who is smart, interesting, rounded, and multifaceted. Which, oddly enough without any extra effort on my part. I am. Now my challenge is to get those who know me, and those, who have yet to really know the real me, to understand what that all means. And that I don't want to be introduced to people as "Sharon the Transsexual". Just like my wife did not want to be "Cancer Girl". So I am not sure how you do that, because when people get presented with a trans person, thanks to the media, all they can think about is what is between my legs, and what I want them to think about is what is between my ears.