I studied rocks for a bit in my geeky past. Those sedimentary ones that form end up as layers, like in a cake. It often makes for some pretty colors and creates a portal into a time machine of sorts. I always thought it was neat that the time we may have spent on the planet as a species often does not amount to an inch or much less on some of these structures. Seems funny that we think so much of ourselves when the rock clearly mocks our sense of time and scale.
But that layered image can teach us something about being Trans. I hear about a heirarchy in our Trans world. There seems to be some rule about being more Trans than thou, or more authentic or the "real McCoy". I don't get it. I mean I get the need for humans to apply taxonomy to things. We like categories. We have all seen the "official" definition list. Almost like the one that is used for animal classifications LGBT->Transgendered->TS->Pre-Op w/Hormones->Not FT->No Marker Change. Or whatever floats your boat.
I have a friend who is currently pre everything. She dresses, has done so for more than 20 years, and frankly passes really well. She does not need FFS (seriously), she is one of the lucky ones. Recently she got told she is not authentic. The person charging her with that is also TS, but is on hormones. So somehow in her head, she is superior to my friend who is not on hormones. That sounds like bullshit to me. "I am more trans than you because I am further on my path". How arrogant.
There is no way you can know what another person's issues are about not moving forward. Or do they even have to move at all? There are too many variables, both internal and external. I have friends who are post, pre, non, maybe and "I don't know yet". I have some that are FT, PT, and Group Time. Some that pass with ease, some that do not. Some on hormones, some not. Some are out, some are not. Some that have a lovely voice, others with a baritone. Some with perfect skin, others not so blessed. Some who claim they are CD and have no desire to transition. But I have never decided that I was better than any of them, none of those ahead of me on the path have ever made a comment about my being serious. I have never made a comment to anybody about their path unless I could see they were conflicted, or in denial in some way. But it was never a critique of where I was relative to them.
I do have one friend who asks me questions about being serious, but she does so that I might figure something out about me. It is not about her being serious and me not. That kind of critical question is helpful. The other is not. It is not a race, it is not a competition. Will never be. Cannot be. Everybody gets to run at their own pace.
And so if I look at that strata, I pose the question. Ain't it all just rock? I mean yeah the yellow and pink are pretty, but are they any less valid than the grey or the tan. Sure one is harder or softer than another. Do you think the pink looks down at the yellow, "hey you are not pink!" No I do not think that happens. And yet in our trans world it does. And it makes me sick.
First off there are so few of us we need to get over faction, and find a way to embrace all comers. Now I will say this. Those of us who are TS. And are indeed looking to "conform" to an accepted social ideal of a woman tend to think of ourselves in a certain way. And there are indeed those in the community that have other objectives. And my personal take is sometimes, there are some of us that embarrass or diminish who the rest of us are trying to be. I have written on this topic at length.
I do not mind that you do what you want to do. What I mind is to be painted with the brush you are using. And there in lies what I think the pain is and why the strata exists. What you do reflects on me. I have another friend, she will not meet you unless she has seen you. Another will not meet with you unless you are in your preferred gender expression, she does not want to see or know that "other" you. It is probably too painful to process.
I started this article months ago but I am finishing it as I get ready to go to SCC this week. I suspect I will see all sorts of strata in Atlanta, some I will anticipate, some I will not like, some I will envy, some I may get to know really well. And all of it will be rock. And that is ok with me.
