Hair - No not the musical

So before realizing I was trans, hair was a sidebar, it was just something that was there. Let me rephrase that, I have always known I was trans, just did not know what I wanted to do about it. And in some respects, I am still figuring that out. And the differences between men and women in our western culture have a lot to do with basic appearance issues. And so that brings me to hair.


So way back when, teenage years, I once shaved my legs, I did it on a whim, I wanted to see what it was like. The answer was, nice. And until about two months ago, that was the last time I had ever done it. The reason for stopping back then is my mother, she noticed I had done it and made fun of me for it.

I had plenty of opportunity to do it again, heck I was on the swimming team, mind you this was in the late 70's, but even then the shaving thing had started. Of course, I did not shave! Why? you may ask. Easy, it was girly. And at the time everything girly was taboo. Not that I did not want to. It is just that I was afraid it would blow my cover. You know, secret agent macho guy. Never a girly thought in his head.

But truth be told, I have hated this male costume since that time. I have wanted to be smooth from the neck down my whole life. Well not all of me, I, unlike some girls, think you should have a little hair down there in the right place. But this has bugged me since, well, since I first knew it bugged me, way back then. So I have fixed it. After talking with therapist and "discussing" with wife I am now smooth for the most part. Legs, underarms, chest. I finally feel myself up to a point. That is to say I like how I feel as opposed to something else. Of course this is allowed I suppose as it is "reversible", you could just stop shaving and it would grow back.

Which brings me to the next bit of hair, that which is on my face. Now this is a fun one. You see before I admitted to being trans to my wife, she had suggested that I might get Laser on my face. Her idea. Seriously, she brought it up. Now I don't know if that was bait to see if I would take it or not. And at first I just passed it off as her being goofy. But I revisited the idea with her about six weeks before the whole coming out thing. And she said sure, why not. And so, my very first step in transition, was laser hair removal on my face. Mind you at the time, I did not own a stitch of female clothing, nor did I dress at all. The entire enterprise was in my head. I will say the fact that I had been living in Second Life as a woman for the previous 45 days certainly had something to do with it. And so I got zapped. I am not going to explain the process. You can google it yourself. But I will talk about this. It hurts, a lot. It hurts so much they give you a gel with Lidocaine in it to numb you up before hand. Even at that it still hurts. I have been told by the technician, who is a nurse. I am her best male customer with respect to complaining about the pain. Basically I do not complain. She does not know I am trans (yet?). But apparently, I put up with the pain in a manner akin to her female customers. If she only knew the truth. Now I wonder if my wife is kicking herself for bringing this up in the first place. Oh well. Too late now.

As of this writing I have had three sessions. but I note, that I still get hair growth. Now some of it is indeed those nasty black/brown ones. but for the most part on my cheeks now, there are only light colored ones. I don't know if the are grays or blonds or what. So I still need to shave them. I am sure you can see them after a couple days, and I can feel them, but they are not dark and there is no shadow from my "beard" much of anyplace save for my upper lip. My guess is, all of the rest of the darkies will come out. I am going to be left with the lights and the greys, but I don't know how many of those there are. But when I am done with the laser, it will probably need me to go to electrolysis to finish what is left. In the meantime I will use this shaver from Cleancut that seems to trim, as close or closer than a blade. Once I have done a few passes with this there is not much shadow left and I do indeed feel female smooth. So barring the needle, for now I am a girl that has to shave now and then. My goal would be to at least pass with very little or no makeup. I cannot say if I will ever get that, but a girl can have a goal.

There are two more bits of hair on my body that I have mucked with. The folks at the laser place offered me a deal on my underarms. I figured no matter what goes on with hormones some day, I will probably end up shaving those and I also know if I am hairless there, it probably stinks less, and in general, girls do not stink. So my pits get lasered for now. The last is my arms. I am not overly hairy there. I did bleach them a bit, and trim with a beard trimmer. I think that might be enough for now, at least until hormones. The rest, I will wait to see what chemistry does for me.

The funny thing about being female is the effort that is made to localize hair. It needs to be gone and eradicated from most everyplace with two exceptions (well sometimes three, but I won't go there for now). The top of your head, where it is to be carefully cultivated, and your eyebrows where it is managed with the same degree of skill as a bonsai farmer. Both of which present issues to a part time girl. And in my case, that part time, means, looks like a guy most of the time. That means, your eyebrows cannot look like they came off the cover of a fashion mag. Or you might get busted. So for now, I will keep pulling the stragglers out, and containing them a little. From the comments I have gotten, I could thin them a little but for the most part I am pretty close to what I need for the long run. Yay! Something that is working for me now.

But the top of the head is another story. Gee that sounded ominous. No I am not balding. Nor do I have a receding hairline. My take is when I decide to go FT I will be able to grow it out, in a very feminine style and be really happy with only the grays to contend with. And I make this pledge now. This girl is going to be using hair color for some time. When I go grey I want it to be all at once, boom poof! So until that happens my colorist will have a job.

That said, what do I do today, as growing it out is out of the question for maintaining boy mode. The answer is my wig(s). In fact my initial wig is the only reason I have even considered ever going FT and transitioning. Wow there is a statement. I owe it all to a wig. Yep. My little plastic hair buddy. You see it is one thing to have this idea in your head that you are a woman. It is totally another to look in the mirror and see her. And in point of fact, prior to December 2008. I had never seen Sharon in the mirror, yeah if I have not mentioned that so far, I am Sharon.

At the advice of a few transwoman friends, who shall remain nameless except that their initials are Jody and Suzanne, I went to a stylist in a wig shop. No Internet wig for me. In fact I had a totally different idea of who I was before that visit. Well not totally, I knew I kind of wanted that middle aged soccer mom look. Something that when you look you go, oh she is cute. And then do not glance again, other than to do so because, well she is cute. But movie star glamour, this would be out. My goal is to pass, not be the center of attention (look for a post on that subject, it will be called, Hey - Slow Down). But! Previously unknown to me I am a redhead. Well not totally unknown, I have always had some red highlights, my mother is red, my son is red. And ever since the stylist put that wig on me, I am red. In fact with my coloring, and a bit of makeup, I am actually not too bad looking. Not stunning stop traffic looking, but I am ok. What you might call passable. I have had some compliments on my early presentation, and I will tell you nothing boosts a girls ego more than to be told, she looks good.

You see that moment in the wig shop was an epiphany for me. I mark that event as the start of my transition. Because for the first time in my life. I looked into the mirror and saw "her". Yeah, there she was, staring back, with tears welling up in her eyes. For the first time I saw that it could be possible for me to be "me" for real. That wig, that hair, that magic fucking hair. That hair made me into a girl. For real. Now when I dress, the hair is what completes me. I do not want to take it off, if I could I would sleep in it. So I wake up and I am still her. Alas it does have to come off. But when it does it is a sad moment. So there is the hair story. I am transitioning because of a wig. And the fact that with my hair I have enough confidence to present in public. And I now do, albeit only a few times per month. But it is an enabler. Lubrication if you will.

At the beginning I found lots of reasons not to do this. Now I am starting to see that I can. And that the obstacles are not how I look, or my physical characteristics. Yes I am going to be a tall, broad shouldered woman. But I expect that I am going to be a very feminine, girly girl, tall, broad shouldered woman. And that is going to undo any idea that you might have had upon meeting me that I am a guy. Just wait and see, and besides, you are going to be looking at my lovely red locks, and my hairless legs, to notice that anyhow.