LGB and T - It is not a set

Recently I made a joke in a post that LGBT should really be LGB-T or something like that. I used the analogy of ATF, Alcohol, Tobacco and, wait for it, Firearms. By the way, they are now the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Whee! Things that go boom too. Now you may ask how did that happen. Well it is simple, the A and T were taxed. Bad guys who skipped that tax, think prohibition, used guns, thus you get, AT and F. And so although you can pretty much see the link between Alcohol and Tobacco, the Firearms one was more of a "by association" thing. I will let you work out the logic on the Explosives part.

Thus it is for the "T" in LGBT. You see those first three letters, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual. They all have to do with your sexual orientation, who are you attracted to. And frankly that is it. Period. However the "T", that is special, that is for Transgendered. Meaning if your natal sex does not conform to your perceived gender in some way ( how you think of yourself) then you end up in that bucket. It of course has almost nothing to do with who you want to have sex with. I covered this in another post so will not belabor it here. The thing is, that"T", well it is just like firearms. Lumped by association. I mean Transgendered means something is "not the run of the mill" with respect to you. And of course that is what the general populace thinks of the LGB bit too. So they just lump them all in there. Yep, one of those folks with an "alternative lifestyle". Like you get to choose it like a sidedish at Applebee's, ooh I will have the baked beans and the vegetable of the day instead of the mashed potatos.

"So what!" you might be saying at this point, you are all freaks so what is your problem. Actually no problem at all here, I am even glad there is a place for us at all. What bugs me, is that that grouping perpetuates the notion that transsexualism or transgenderism is only about who you want to have sex with. News flash, it ain't. And there is the problem. Those of us who feel they should be what they are not, are lumped in with the rest who really are talking about sex and attraction. And in point of fact, most LGB folks probably do not get it. Please no cards and letters, I know that many LGB folks get a lot of it, and some may get it all, but we "T" folks land here because our issue has to do with our gender, and not who we want to have sex with.

It would be a little like saying a butcher shop is in the same business as a mortuary, both handle meat, and try and keep things fresh. Sorry for the graphic example, but both do have coolers, and lots of weird equipment to process things. Now of course you went ewww. Well that happens in the LGB and T universe. No not about the sex bit, about how we perceive each other. For example you can be T and L,G,B or S - where S is straight. Yep, you can become a woman and like men, or vice versa. In fact, a while back you had to go that way, to even become a woman. Now there are lots of folks who will make arguments about that, like you were a gay man who became a woman to attract men etc etc. You know what, that might be true, but the real answer is, I don't care, and neither should you.

Here is what does happen, and I have this from a pretty good source, the LGB side of the house looks at trans folks and is often disgusted. Why, well I suspect it is because of how badly we do things for ourselves. Stuff like what you wear as a woman, how you act, etc. You see a lot of them don't like the characters we create as we become our chosen gender. And I can see why they are upset. 50 year old transwomen in miniskirts. Dressed like prostitutes. Sexual overtures, etc. etc. No wonder we have a bad reputation as the red headed stepchild.

Now I am transsexual, I know this. And I am certain I would like to be sexy from time to time in the future (here is where you roll your eyes and go, oh I bet she does not pass well, and this is why she is saying that, to which I say, I ain't perfect but I ain't horrific either). But sex is not why I am doing this, in fact I suspect that by doing this, I am actually reducing the number of eligible partners for me by several orders of magnitude (add my wife into that bucket). Go ahead think about it, lets see who wants sex with a nearly 50 year old post-op transwoman? Don't all jump at once, I will wait... (Jeopardy music in the background). OK, lets qualify that, except for a tranny chaser, who might not like the new plumbing, then who? Well I am sure there are some really open minded folks out there that would try it, but reality is like what, you have reduced it by 100 fold I bet. And go ahead and try and find that person.

I also have it on good reference that a lot of the "L" girls really don't like us (no again I am not saying all of them), we probably look like party crashers to them. "Hi sisters! I am a girl too, just like you, no seriously, I am, you don't believe me? Please let me in the club, pretty please". Of course the "T" stereotype makes that worse as many L women and feminists are confounded by men who become women and want to conform to the stereotypical female in action and role (read that as, I like my bra, my skirt, my heels, my makeup and I do want you to hold the door open for me). And gay men, probably think, ok? what is up with that, I mean, you want to do what to your what? Are you kidding me?

And even within that "T", there are microcosms. Remember we can be LGBS. Well there are 4 fractures right there. We might also be "A" (A Sexual). And you then have roles, Activist (Bangs on your congressman's door) , Supporting Conformist (Likes to look like a conventional woman but is supportive of other T girls, aka non-Stealth), Non-Conformist (Says she is female, but rejects most of the societal trappings of gender), and Stealth. And anything in between. My shrink says she has a colleague that says "When you have seen one Transsexual, you have seen one Transsexual" (as opposed to the joke you have seen them all). She is right! I go to group, the only thing we all seem to have in common, is we all want to be women, or some aspect of being a woman. The rest of it, well anything goes.

So why this rant? Well if you think about the "T" part of the movement, it has all of the complex parts of the LGB part. And in fact is worse, because we are so fractured. And being fractured means, no power. None to effect change, except mostly as individual ambassadors. And if you consider the proverbial 13% of the population that is gay or lesbian, then at a 1 in 500 sort of ratio for transness, or 0.2%, we are clearly the tail wagging the dog. We have a long way to go to get recognition and influence. For example, autism is about 1 in 150 and last I checked work in that area is kicking our ass. And it probably should. But there are plenty of other things that are more rare that get better press, funding, support and legal status.

And thus our caboose is hitched to our LGB brothers and sisters. Because 13.2% is way bigger than 0.2%. Now what can we do to make them understand us better, and present ourselves better. Well for one, act normal in public. Yeah I said it. Go ahead and express yourself as you see fit. But if you want to get somebody to like you, and listen to you, and take you seriously, and change their mind about something, I am pretty sure just getting in their face will not do it. And remember, lets win over our LGB friends first. They currently have the ear of the policy makers. So my $0.02, if you are trans, act your age, dress appropriately, look good (take the time to do it). And break the stereotype. Get people to look at you and say, hey, she seems pretty normal. Once you have that, then maybe you can get them to listen to what you are saying, instead of thinking, wow I cannot believe "he" wore that in public, what a freak.

Suit of targets donned, fire away...