Trans Time Vortex - Sounds like a sci-fi novel, it's not

So this being trans thing eats time. It is a giant sucking sound where the minute and second hands on your clock are so bent it looks like a painting by Dali. Why? you might ask, well there is a lot of stuff to take care of.


OK, so in my case I am not a FT girl. I am not going into the why and wherefore of that, look for a later post. Needless to say, I am a guy (eek), most of the time these days. That said, I do do some girl things everyday. For example, shaving takes more time than it used to. Yes the face still gets the treatment, but now we add, legs, underarms and other "areas". The upshot, that takes more time. There are other feminine hygiene things that take time too. Plucking, trimming, filing of nails, lotions, face regimen etc etc. This takes time that as a guy, you just did not bother with. I sound like I am complaining. I am not, I love doing all of it and how I feel and look afterwords. I am just stating, what used to be maybe 15 mins in the bathroom daily has expanded to 30, and that is before I even have longer hair and makeup to put on. So I can be assured it will probably be another 45 mins per day to be a girl. At least.


Oops, forget the bookend on this at night, makeup removal, face wash etc., add at least another 15 mins. So an hour a day longer.


Since I am married, and she does not approve of this new feminine activity, I have been relegated to the basement, so every day I get up, collect my guy clothes for the day go to the basement, use my office bathroom and get ready for the day. Of course this means prior planning, which of course, you guessed it, takes more time.

Now lets cover the part time girl thing. Of course if you are a part time girl you have two wardrobes to manage. And of course that takes some time, as "she" needs to buy things that "he" does not have. Yes, shopping. That takes time, again, not a complaint. I am thrilled to let my shopping Diva out of the closet. I love to shop, something as a guy I could never admit, certainly not in public. But guess what, it takes time to shop. And if you are a transwoman, it is a lot harder than a woman to do. Why? Well for one, unless you present really well (pass as a woman). You cannot just walk into the mall, go to stores, try things on and get what you need, that looks good on you, and fits right. No you need to use the Internet-interpolation method of shopping.


Buy something online that you think you will like. Wait for it to come. Get it and try it on, be disappointed by, the fit, size, color, fabric, insert issue here _______. Send it back. Oh and that now includes the return by mail forms, packing, shipping and followup when they lose your return. Did I mention it takes time? When you are done you might get to keep 20% of the stuff, and only 10% is stuff you really like, the other 10% is maybe I will wear that sometime stuff. Shoes are especially fun...


But that is only part of the part time girl stuff. If you are like me you have a family. And they do not know you are a part time girl. (In my case my wife knows, does not approve, but knows). So you are running a spy operation now. You are a double agent, you have to be a guy, with no trace of girl during normal hours. But at your special time, you can finally be who you want to be (2:27AM).

The goof of course is to change into her, and to be complete, might take you an hour or more (see above). And of course if you do that at home, and others are around, you cannot simply run to the door for the UPS man or let the barking dogs back into the house en femme. And to get un-femme, takes a similar time, but like the character in Gattica, you need to scrub, file, cleanse, strip any feminine evidence before you can return to your ho hum male self. And unlike your au natural sisters, you cannot leave a trace of mascara from your regimen or a hint of blush or lipstick. As these would be indicators of your aberrant tendencies. And of course, you would be busted as a weirdo by your own family. Oh, did I mention, all that stuff that takes time.


For some of us the prospect of leaving the house is an issue. It is for me too. And in fact if I desire to by "myself" at a local support group I have to do so by booking a hotel room. Checking in, transforming into me, go to group, return, transform back into him. Of course there is the logistical planning aspect of this. You will, unless you are wonder woman, need to probably have several outfits, a girl often does not know what she will want to wear until the last minute. What if it rains, gets cold, etc. So you need to have contingencies, just shoes can be a problem. So you pack it all up and lug it over. Unpack and start your workout. Of course in addition, you had to research the location, book the room, drive there and back. All of which, yeah, takes time


Of course there is more to the shopping thing, you see natal women get years to figure out what brands they like, what looks good, what to buy, how to use that etc. You (and in this case you is me) get no time to figure that out as you need to look like you have already figured that out to even possibly pass in public. What on earth am I talking about? Hair and makeup of course. Ah you will say, yes but real women do that everyday. You are so right, but what they do have is a backstop, old standbys that they figured out back in high school or college. They have a "favorite" foundation. A way to tie their hair that works. Me, I need to figure it out, that means research, shopping, trying, testing, repeat. And of course, more time.

As for the hair, thank god for the wig. Yes my fake hair, which I will talk about in another post. If it did not "auto style" I might never be ready to go. But I can see there is going to be a major learning curve on that just as soon as I decide to grow it out and not use the wigs. Yes you guessed it, more time.

Now we come to the other parts of this, what I call the medical morass. Well first off, you are obviously mentally ill. You are not really a physical woman and you want to be a woman. This of course means you need to have a shrink. I have one. Everybody needs one, or so we are told. However for a transwoman, because of "da rules", a shrink is required if you want to actually do anything permanent to change yourself. So, you go. Even if you are not there yet, you go, because someday you might want to make some changes and again, you need the shrink to say, hey, it is ok, all this person needs is to be a girl. Everything else is ok! Whee! How often you go, what you say, how you say it, what it costs, how you pay for it, what you hope to take away, that is all up to you. Does it help, sure it helps. For one, if you go and your shrink agrees that you have an issue, and that what you should do is probably work on being a girl, it validates the process for you and others (read that as it makes others more comfortable, you probably knew you were a girl all along). Now you can say, well my shrink thinks this is a good idea too. See how that works. Now they nod and go, "Oh, this is OK a shrink approves of it". Oh did I mention, the shrink does not make house calls, you will need to go see her/him. And yeah, you guessed it, it takes time.

So let's say you get to the point where you just cannot stand, oh, pick one. Shaving your face. Women (mostly) do not have to do that. In fact, that fuzzy, hormone induced crap is the bane of many a transwoman. So you can get it "removed". Of course in a twisted sense of irony, the methods for doing that in a permanent way are all descendants of something from the Spanish Inquisition (torture for those who missed that part of history class). Yes they can use high energy light (laser) to "explode" the hair (yeah just like popcorn, but does not smell as nice). or needles with electric current. Hmm that sounds fun. Me, so far, I opted for the laser. And so far it is ok. I will tell more in the "hair" post. But for now, if you do either, expect to spend you know what (time) going and getting it done.

Now you are going to ask me, hey what about hormones and surgery and such? I would say, you know what, dunno yet, have not done that stuff, but I am pretty sure they involve physicians, insurance (maybe), letters, etc. And what about that legal stuff? Yes mine is just getting started there. Wife wants a post-nuptial agreement. Basically instant divorce, just add water, when she is ready to dump me. So that will take plenty of time, after all there are lawyers involved. And I need to do this, even if I do not decide to take this all the way, because I am married, I still love her, and we have kids. Yeah, time I am going to lose, but have not lost yet, because it is in the future...

Now this post is getting really long, and you have spent a long time reading it. Aha, now you are busted. Yes you are spending time on being trans too, right now, unless of course your are just enjoying this writing for it's literary value, which I doubt. There is the knowledge collection, support and commiseration aspect of this. Trolling the Internet, reading, researching, bookmarking, video watching, note taking etc. etc. For me a lot of that has been in Second Life (like I did not have enough going in "First Life", and watch this space for yet another post), online chats with other transwomen, yes I have met a bunch. And real life groups, of which I now attend three per month (read this as only time she really gets to be herself). And of course now I have added this blog. And you guessed it, there is that giant sucking sound again. Ahh, there it is that black hole of time, being trans.