In the spirit of "a blog about nothing" please enjoy this edition.
So yesterday was a big day for me, that was 28 Feb 2009. I went to group, took my first dose of Spiro, came back to hotel, tried on outfits, took pictures, made a video (sound of needle on record being scratched, you know the one). What was that middle part again? Oh yeah, took my first dose of Spironolactone, yes under the supervision of a physician. Now you might ask why I did that. You are saying, aren't you on some kind of 5 year plan thing or something?
The answer is yes, but I need to get a box checked in order to move forward. You see no matter how much I try and tell myself otherwise, there is a sex thing to this. Or so I think in my head. I am not saying there should not be such a linkage. Certainly, how you view yourself, how you present yourself, how you pleasure yourself, and who you might like to pleasure or be pleasured by are all part of this and should be, as they are a normal part of any human existstance.
In my case I want to make sure these are seperate from an analysis perspective. I know how I view myself now, I know how I want to present, I need to understand the self pleasure component, mind you I have always pleasured myself, as a girl. At least as best I can given the "equipment". And of course the last one, who else do you bring to the party, I don't need to figure out, maybe ever. So I believe that chemistry is a part of the third one, and thus begins our experiment.
I want to understand how much of this desire to change is driven by hormones. Now mind you today my T level is really low to start with (something around 200 for those with scorecards). But what I want to do is drive it as low as I can and then see how I feel about transition. If I do that and I still feel the same way then it "ain't" that little bit of T I have left that is making me this way. Yes I know there will be residuals for some time. But if I can take the "sex" component off the table, then I will know for certain. So hence the Spiro.
Now there are probably a number of outcomes to this experiment and a good experiment has a hypothesis to it. So here goes, "Does having testosterone create a sex drive that manefests in the pre-op TS a strong desire to transition to female". There, put it right out there. So outcomes I see,
Outcomes
1. Desire fades
So with no/low "T" I don't want to do this anymore, now what?
2. It has no effect
My desires remain the same, status quo, transition likely
3. I feel great, as in better, but there is no change in desire
Transition - Orchi? Make it all permanent?
4. I feel amazing, and desire increases
Transition - Orchi? Make it all permanent? Probably sooner...
5. None of the above
I realize that these things are hardly binary. So will probably have another view of this in a few months time. So there might be an answer otherwise.
I have a feeling, Spiro and I are going to be "friends". I might be wrong and if so I will post that here. But if I am right, then being rid of the remaining T should give me some relief. The side effects of blocking the androgens are all welcome. So there is my first step, yes I have been getting laser on the face, but there are lots of guys without beards. Yes I have been dressing more and going to group. But this marks the start of what I call the "you might not be able to go back" part of the process.
Now you are asking about estrogen I am sure. Well I have another medical issue that I need to get managed, and hope to have that under control by June. And if so, then we will look as adding estrogen at that time. Quite honestly this staggered approach makes more sense to me, lets see what one does without the other first. We are talking only a 4 month difference. What I am most hopeful about for me is I feel like I am making some progress. And as long as I feel that I am moving, the pace is less of an issue.
Mouse Hunt
6 years ago
Congratulations on the progress! I think your last sentence reflects a common and important feeling in early trasition.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to be careful about an early orchi if you are on a long-term plan. Some SRS surgeons caution against doing that too far in advance because of the possibility that subsequent wasting over time will leave less material to use during surgery. OTOH a number are good with grafting from other areas.
Good luck!
Thanks Diana,
ReplyDeleteI knew about that whole "shrinkage" thing. And I intend to ask some questions of a few of these surgeons at various conferences I will be attending in the next few months.
My "equipment" is minimal already, or so it seems to me, so I suspect it might be a non issue in that getting the right depth will require clever efforts anyhow.
But we will see. I will defer to the experts.
Well I recently discussed this with Dr. McGinn in person, and in general it is a myth. She said it is a completely acceptable thing to do for people who want to transition over a long time period due to life constraints. And she said that her documentation afterwords is good enough for a gender change statement in most states. So you could be legally you, without further surgery. This is an interesting prospect.
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