Parts is Parts - Or so they tell me

So this post is about body parts. Or more accurately, unsatisfactory body parts. Ah now the voyeurs rub their hands together. She is going to talk about her crotch in this one. Surprise. No I am not. And now the reader pauses and says, well why the hell not, isn't that the most important thing for you Transsexuals. In short, no, it is not.

I am not saying it is not important, I am saying it is not the most important thing. Now the rest of the world is sitting up and taking notes. What the hell is she talking about, of course it is the most important thing! Nope, nada, nein, nyet, not the most important. The most important thing is your face. Yep, the face. Lets consider. When you first meet somebody, guys I am up here, there you go, you look at the face. Or at least women do, I know that guys often do a precursory look to see if you have a face, and if it is not show stopper they go for the boobs next. Hey, dopey, what color are my eyes, back up here. And so it goes. But as some of my friends say, passing is 90% from the neck up. And based on recent experience I would say that is true as long as you can creep up on somebody and be there without them taking a long look at you from a distance.

Which in my case, they would say, wow, she is a big girl. Mind you, I do not think they would say, huge, fat, morbidly obese, or OMG it is moving towards us, run! Just wow that girl has big shoulders and is tall. And, she could stand to lose a few pounds. Of course the last bit is under my control, and although I don't have any before shots of me as Sharon, I have lost almost 50 lbs since September 2008. Which as of now is like 8-10 lbs per month, and I survived the holidays with out ballooning. Goodyear, take note, the competition is off, you win.

I am actually lucky in some ways, first off, I am tall, and while that presents it's own issues, which I will talk about in a moment, it provides me a few things. For one, as a transwoman, I think I would rather be tall with big shoulders than short with big shoulders. At least they can look at me and say, I bet she played sports, and they would be right, Swimming and Volleyball. And unless you have not looked lately, all of those Olympic swimmer girls have, you guessed it, big shoulders.

Here go look, you will see what I mean, I will wait here.

Dara Torres
Dara, again, yes that is the same woman
Amanda Beard

And as for volleyball...

Carrie Dodd
Carrie and teammate
Brazillian Girls

There is no question these are women, and beautiful ones at that. So can I be a big girl, probably, what I cannot be is fat, which I have control over and not quite as muscular, which getting rid of the "twins" and by "better living though chemistry" I can reduce. But not eliminate. So what does that mean, It means every now and then I say, when asked about being a big girl, well when I was young I was a swimmer and played volleyball. And they will go, ahh... And if I am lucky somebody will think that is sexy, see other posts on who.

So lets cover tall. I am 6-0, and while I know there are a lot of girls taller, most of them are shorter. What does that mean? It means when you walk into the room, they are going to look. Not because you are trans, but because you are tall. And I want to say, that is ok, and that we have entered the era of the tall woman. Heck, the First Lady is 5-11, without her heels, it helps that the President is 6-1 1/2. Assuming he wears normal men's shoes, when she is in a 3 inch heel, she's about the same height as him, equals in all respects (well she does have the advantage of being female, but that is another post).

But if you are tall, and trans, I make the contention that if you do not want extra attention, then just make sure you look like a woman for your age who just happens to be tall. Look at tall women online (Brook Shields comes to mind, but there are many others). Go sit at the mall, look for tall women, yep they are there, and there are a lot of them these days. Probably benefit of good diets, genetics etc. The catch with tall for me, is other things are big too...

Namely feet. I wear a woman's 13, wide or e x t r a w i d e, remember the swimming thing, think flippers. Oddly enough, for years I wore a man's 13 too. I know there is some thing about sizes and differences etc. etc. But don't ask me about it, the 13s fit, and are just at the edge of being "normal" for a girl, which means sometimes they are on the rack at Payless, and I can buy them online without getting stuck buying the fetish woman's (aka tranny) shoes.

When I was first getting started I was worried that my feet were too big to be a girl. Now I am less so, but there are little things that are assumed, for example with boots, apparently if you have size 13 feet you are supposed to have legs like tree trunks too. Thankfully, I do not. But my feet are not "feminine", they are mostly guy feet, and so I am still leery of sandals and shoes that show my toes. I will probably get over it, as I have heard of no surgery that makes your feet smaller, and even if there were, that sounds really painful.

Hands, yep, got 'em. And well, they really are guy hands, I see a lot of girls (transwomen) who actually have hands that look like a normal woman's hands. These girls should be really happy with that. Oh to be a little daintyer (is that a word? the spell checker does not think so). So in order to fool everybody, I need nails, now to date I have only grown them a bit, and put some clear on them, but I will tell you they look good, until I manage to break them doing guy stuff during the week, the thumbs are almost always the first to go. And so I know that line, "oh crap, I broke a nail", and the lament that goes with it. Because now when I have that perfect outfit on, and my nails look bad, that makes me unhappy.

Of course not being FT it takes away a lot of options for nails. For one, acrylic nails, and tips are out, as you have to look like a guy the rest of the time. I am going to a conference this month for three days, step one, a nail salon for that french I have been dying for since accepting being trans. Nothing over the top in length, despite her politics, think Sarah Palin, I know, I know, she is a demonic beast, but, she looks good and I have to give at least that to her, then she opens her mouth and destroys the illusion of somebody you wanted to have coffee with. Ok, so I had not intended to put political stuff in here, and will now shut about about that.

So what is left, arms and legs and butt and middle and boobs. Ok just everything. Legs, I shave them, and you know what, the tall thing, well it almost works. Yeah, from just below the crotch down my sex change is complete. I mean I am ok with how they look. I wore a skirt to group recently, nobody said, um hon, stick with pants. Maybe they did not notice, this is good too, maybe they were being polite, maybe my impression of myself is ok, and I do already have mostly girl legs. Dunno, you tell me.

Arms, well again, not sure you can shorten them, but I know that chemistry over time will make them slimmer and less muscular, and I am probably going to be happy when I no longer have to be the person that opens the jars. The other thing with arms is hair, well I think I am lucky there as it is pretty light. I do trim it a bit, lets see where the chemistry takes that too.

Torso, ah that thing, well this is my downfall, as it is for many a middle aged "guy", the pudge. Yeah I am killing it off bit by bit, and will keep going and I am sure that hormones move some of it around. But the problem is you really do not have a figure per se. It has to be "constructed". But like the garden that is overgrown it is hard to see what you really have until the brush is cleared. So I'll need to finish losing the pounds, take some chemistry for a while and then see what we have. I will say this, unless you are in a bikini, having boobs can take the focus off your tummy.

And I am one of those barrel chested types, ick. So what am I to do about that, I can only hope with the weight loss and the muscle loss and with the addition of boobs, you might not notice it so much. I have heard that some girls actually have ribs removed to change their torso, this seems pretty radical, but I guess I get where they are coming from. If I ever decide to do that I will certainly allow the reader the chance to look in an ear to see if light is shining through from the other side.

So with respect to that, one of my first investments were real honest to god silicone breastforms. Now I know these cost money. But let me tell you from my personal experience, nothing builds a girl's confidence by having natural looking and feeling breasts. And next to my hair, these are what make me feel most feminine. When I am dressed properly, and I can feel them, when I look down and see them, when I cross my arms and they are there. I know I am presenting correctly and it makes me happy. Girls if you can afford it at all, get some.

Now of course there is the thing of size. And here is how I arrived at things for me. I looked at mom. I have no sisters, alas, unless my brother wants to tell me something he's been hiding too... So the nearest boobs, are moms. And mom is 5-10, and has a "C". And so shall I. And so my forms bring me to a "C" as well. The size around almost does not matter, my chest is what it is, but the proportional ratio is what matters to me. So a "C". What do I think hormones will do for me, a "B" if I am lucky. Will that be enough, dunno, ask me when they arrive. If not, then I really do not have much issue with getting them augmented, but again, only to the "C" that I think I would have had had I been able to do something about this in my youth.

And so that brings me back to my mug. When I started this I was certain I needed FFS. How could I not! But in recent weeks I am getting used to looking at her. I seem to be doing ok with my makeup. I was going for soccer mom and I think I got it. I have been losing weight and I think that has made a big change too. So I am inclined to see where it goes, more weight loss, some time with hormones, and some soak time as me. Will I get that nose job, probably, get rid of those bags under the eyes, yep. Maybe a few other tweaks. And these are things that any late forty year old woman might be considering. Do I need an entire "face off" thing, I don't know, it really depends on how things are when (should I say if?) I go FT, but at the moment, the woman in the mirror is growing on me.