Just Weight

As with all things in new years we get to make those resolutions. Often quitting something, or starting, is the plan. And losing weight is often one of those unfulfilled resolutions. I knew something was up looking at TV on New Years day, the commercials for diet products were in full swing.

Recently, in one of those blogs I did not post, I had reported on an adverse experience with a physician that I was seeking services from. Without actually saying so, she indicated that she would rather me not be a patient for her services. The reason, among others, fat.

Of course this was a blow to me, as I had kind of planned on this physician to be a key player in my future plans. The second part of it was that as a person who has shed over 65 lbs from her max weight over a year ago, the noise was more like, even if you lost this, I still might not want to deal with you for other health reasons that quite frankly were the result of carrying the weight. Hmm...

And so goes the subject of this post. Since I am yet to be full time. I notice this remarkable inconsistency. In "dude" mode everybody comments about "how thin" I have become, that they could not see me losing much more, that gee you look really great, and so on. But as a chick, I am still fat. Remarkable.

I am not really going to dispute the observation, facts are facts. I am 5-12 1/2, and I, as usual, did some research on this. If you go by the BMI tables, which by the way do not seem to account for gender and/or age and/or frame, my maximum "normal weight" should be 186lbs. I am laughing out loud right now, I think I might have weighed that much in like middle school. Seriously? My senior year in high school I was captain of the swimming team. 5000 yds a day in a pool, my weight, 205 lbs...

This site seems to be a bit more realistic about it, yep I cannot wrap my fingers around my wrist, I am a large frame, big surprise. So I am to add 10% to that previous number, so that makes it, ha ha ha, what do you know 204.6 lbs. Hmm, basically what I weighed senior year. Ok that seems reasonable to me. Now what about the gender bit? Oh yeah remember, that was the weight of the buff dude.

This site seems to offer something that deals with that and age too. And it does something else, it compares you to what the rest of the country looks like. Not the numbers as figured out by some government Registered Dietitian in 1960. Let's just say real people, instead of ideal people. And so if I punch in my current data (what I weigh right this very moment) this shows I am in the 78th percentile, regardless of gender, that means that I am fatter than 78% of the public. If I punch in the magic 205 something else happens, for males I am in the 53rd percentile and for females the 59th percentile. It is important to note that the 50th percentile is considered average. And what is interesting about that 78% number, it stays the same regardless of gender.

I am suddenly reminded of an old saying. There are lies, damn lies, and then statistics. I find it hard to believe that once you get to the top 20% of fat people, your gender no longer matters. I suppose as you get fatter you get shorter too. But whatever...

That said then, I need to be 194 lbs to be considered average for a 5-13 female. I say again, average. This equates to a BMI of 25.6, which is still considered as obese by the powers that be [note to self WTF?]. Incidentally I can get to that same average, 50th percentile, as a dude at 202 lbs. And there is where it shows up, you can be fatter as a dude.

Now I worry that all this math is actually hocus pocus for transwomen. We are seeking some kind of ideal that cannot be obtained, unless you really do a have a birdlike frame. But for big girls, the math does not add up. First we will probably always have more muscle than the usual woman our size. Second we get to add the weight of breasts to the equation (please no snickering about losing a little bit of weight in places like Thailand or Trinidad). So even if I lose down to the magic 194, in order to be legit, I need to lose the weight of my incoming breasts to stay even. So who knows what that is, lets say it is 5 lbs between the pair. What do you know, back to the 189. Jeez. Three pounds off from that friggin BMI table in the first place.

So what does this all mean? It means that I will "never" be a skinny bitch. Yeah, I said it. I have some trans friends, they are as tall as me but all weigh less. A lot less. And yes, they all pass remarkably. Of course they would! Hey, 5-12 and 154lbs, there are natal women that would kill for that. But when I get the tape out and compare with them, on bones, hon, bones. The tale of the tape tells all. My shoulders are a full inch wider than theirs. And that, regardless of hormones, surgery, going to the gym, diets, whatever ain't gonna change.

But so what? Here is what is what. Basically I need to lose another 40 lbs, and if I want to be just below that average number, with boobs, 50 lbs. Here is hoping that last 10 lbs comes off the muscle. Can I do it, probably, even when I was at that 205 in high school Coach used to poke at me, you could lose 10 more pounds dude, eat less.

So here is my message for the new year. Hey big girls, yeah, you. Get over it. Um Sharon, you just bitched about your own weight and how the world looks at it in this whole post. Yeah, I did, you are right. Here is the thing, I can only change the stuff that has "knobs" on it. So I can dial me down to my "best me", and once that is done, then you just gotta go with it. You cannot look at your friends who are über thin and compare. And what I discovered is that there are some things that I do have they are "jealous" of (eyes, skin, lack-o-beard, etc.). Almost nobody gets the "perfect" deal. Some get more than others, that is life.

So in the end, it's Just Weight. or maybe "A Just Weight", dunno, lets "Just Wait" and see if it is or matters at all.