A note to all. I originally wrote this post in Nov of 2009. I have waited until now to publish it because a number close friends used the services physician mentioned. I am happy to report that their surgeries were complete and they are all recovered with satisfactory results. I waited in part as I did not want to create a potential for backlash. Nor am suggesting that surgeon would have been anything less than professional in dealing with those girls. I felt I needed to finally publish this, not as sour grapes but, just as my own personal experience. Your mileage may vary.
--Sharon
I do not know if I will ever post this but I am going to write it to get it off my so called chest. Yesterday was kind of a disappointing day for me on this road less traveled. Some months ago I made an appointment with, by all reports, a skilled surgeon who lives in the same timezone as me. To be exact a little under three hours away by car, on a reasonable day. I had heard and had come to think of her as "The One". Like some character from the Matrix, or more recently the new Prisoner miniseries. I was wrong.
See -- for those of you who know me well, I can admit when I am wrong about something after all. Yes, I know, hard to believe.
In this case I did not see it coming. Now before I go on about it I do not want you get the the wrong impression of my mindset on things. I know that surgeons, regardless of gender, tend to be self assured and a bit cocky. They typically are not known by their bedside manner. And if you are skilled, then you probably do not need to be known for that. They, afterall, are cutters. They cut. it is what they do. So I was not alarmed the first few times I met this person at various conferences. She was frank, to the point, blunt even. This works for me, I am a business person, a CEO if you must know. But what happened on my visit was surprising to me.
Often on this road there are so many little things, that on their own are nothing. But the sum of them adds up. Remember a ton of feathers still weighs a ton. And this was the case for me.
I arrived at the office and was presented with forms and paperwork. Not a surprise, most doctors want their litany of paper filled out. What bugged me was I had sent the information on those forms months ago. "They" changed the format of the form. They asked me to fill out the papers again. To make it easier, they had my original form, with all my data on it. So I got the job of copyist. Seems silly but I do not know why they could not have sent me the forms in advance but I have learned something about doctors and lawyers of late. Only their time is valuable, not yours.
So this is a nusance at best, and you are probably saying, what a whiner you are Sharon. You would be right, that is whiney, and if it was the only goofy thing I would have never have written this down in the first place. But in the immortal words of Ron Popeil, "But wait, that's not all!".
I sat in the consult room for a few moments and "my" physician arrived reasonably quickly (I was the only patient there). Upon entry she informed me that we would probably have to do the consult quickly as she had a family matter to attend to. In this case an ultrasound of her unborn children. I thought that was fine, I recalled doing the same.
However what I do not recall is telling somebody that drove for three hours to a business meeting, who is seeking major body modifications that I would perform that I would have to hurry up our meeting because I have someplace else to go. Oh right, I am not a doctor. Sorry I forgot.
I figured well that seems odd. I mean if my appointment would be truncated I would have hoped she, or staff, might have the courtesy to call and tell me, hey before you come on up, she is gonna have to bolt. And then give me the option of rescheduling or taking what I can. Not so this day however.
She says, we have met before, I say yes. In Chicago. She thumbs through a chart, she says I must have some notes on you then. I say good. No notes are in the file. She goes out, to find staff, comes back empty handed. (Note to self, record keeping not so good here, hmm) So I get to tell the story again with her in Otto-esqe ways (A Fish Called Wanda) saying "yeah, right, next". We get close to caught up. And then down to brass tacks.
Now I will admit I have "had" medical issues, however they have been treated, and I have recovered fully. I go to this slacker outfit in Baltimore, Hopkins, maybe you have heard of it. But "whatever". But she says it this way "Well you have a lot of medical issues you know..." Let me break the code on that one, don't sue me if things don't go well for you because I told you that you have a lot of medical issues.
She's right, up to a point. I am not 32 years old, I do not run marathons, I do not have a BMI of 23 (go here to figure that out yourself). I guess one way to make sure your statistics are good is only do surgery on young healthy people. But OK, her point is taken. By the way I prefer this calculator to the others. It accounts for your gender, and age and other stuff... As to me, i have passed all of the stress tests folks, with normal fitness. When asking my Cardiologist how long will I now live, he asks is 40 or 50 more years ok? Anyhow I pass on arguing it.
She says "you are fat". Nice thing to say to somebody who has lost 65lbs in the last year. But ok I have been "fat" for most of my adult life, so not a news flash, thanks. We talk about the abdomen, she says I have "intestinal fat", nothing she can do for me. I will just have to lose it, like the rest. I am beginning to get a picture here. Salad only, for the next 40 years. So be it.
So no curves for me, or at least none that can be "(wo)man made". That sucks, but I guess it is a feature of being trans. Hey you know what, so be it, at least I got that much of an answer for my money.
I will not go into the details of our discussion except for two bits. Mind you we are going a breakneck pace. Most of my questions have the question, and then parts A, B, C and D plus a follow up on that alphabet soup. I am only getting the question out before she is changing the topic.
I ask about FFS, and note there are almost no photos on her website of it. She says she does a lot but nobody wants their photos used. She gets a laptop, and shows me one set of before and after photos of a woman in her 60s (or so it seems). You know what, she looks better, really she does. But there is only one example provided. She says she has more on her desktop machine, I suggest we finish our conversation and then look quick, she says there will not be time.
Eventually we get to the topic of SRS, GRS, GCS, M-O-U-S-E, stuff. We talked about sex early on, she liked my story there, as do I at the moment. But she is clearly wanting to leave now. I pose the, "is there enough material question", she says, with out an exam, you will be fine. I make a face. She says ok, we will look. I drop trou, and she says stand up. I do and she glances from across the room. You will be fine she says. I am a bit taken back.
It then dawns on me. She really does not "want" me as a "customer". I am too particular or something. Or perhaps it is that I came to her to discuss the thing, and not simply put the calendar on the wall, throw a dart and say, I will have it all done on this date. I am a future, she does not really want to work on me unless I am a 50 year old tri-athlete or something. Ok I get it but gee.
After the crotch glance we are done. I go to the front desk, she is grabbing her coat. She tells me on the way out that since we were rushed she has discounted the consult fee from $150 to $75. Ow, salt in the wound. My take on that, as a business person. It sends the wrong message, it did to me. Whenever I have to discount after the delivery of a service it meant I was trying to sooth the customer for either an unmanaged expectation, or I (we) fucked up somehow, and I am trying to make amends. It means the job done, was less than it should be.
To which, as I am now walking to my car, I wonder, well what if these unborn twins sneeze or something on the day of my surgery. Do I end up with the "Walmart Vagina" because it was time to get to the pediatrician? The thought of that left me cold. In my business, if you do not focus on the customer, when you are with them, you lose that customer. They walk away, they want your full attention, and probably deserve it. If you are not offering the attention it is a clear sign that you are not really interested in that business. So be it. I can vote with my feet.
So the value of my 6 hours of driving, and day off from work is $75. I guess it paid for the gas to get there. And I guess it will pay for the gas to the airport as the next person I will talk to on my short list will require a flight someplace. Before I go though I will see if they have some forms that they want me to fill out first.
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