On Wisconsin

So when I was in high school I played in band. Trumpet. I was pretty good. Sometime I will tell you all how good but for now I will say I was good enough for it to pay my rent as a college student. More on my musical talents later. So in the band, we would do the high school football games. And when our team would score a touchdown we would play a college fight song. We did not have one for my high school so we would borrow one. So we had two. Notre Dame, and On Wisconsin. I can still hum either, and did so as I crossed the border from Illinois to Wisconsin.

Prior to a week ago I had only been to Wisconsin once before and on a a business trip at that. I had images of plump smiling women serving brats and beer. And I know they are there but this was not why I was going. No this time I was going to visit a couple of friends. Jody and Beth. Jody and I met in Second Life, that will be the subject of another post, and we have become fast friends. And so this was a chance for us to meet in person. And of course I wanted to make a good impression.

Jody lives in a small town, some miles from a large city so this is what I would call a "rural" setting. She promised me an RLE (Real Life Experience). And I would have to say, I totally got one. And as a "yet to be" full time girl, I was craving this. Boy did I get bang for the buck.

I should probably remind most of you that I am at best a part time girl. Of course if you have been following along then you know this already. So Jody's offer of a visit has allowed me to be "24/7" for longer than anytime in my life. And of course when I left her house I still had five more days of being "me" at Be-All.

As I had mentioned in the last post I stopped at a salon for nails and an eyebrow waxing. And when I looked in the mirror I had one of those "aha" moments. Maybe I do not need as much FFS as I think I do :) Ok it was just a "moment" so let me have it, then I can get back to reality.

Then I made a few stops, with no issues, drug store, and nice place to eat. All places ma'am or miss me, I am treated like a lady. Awesome, I am passing...

The next morn I pack my bags, load the car, but then "elect" to go back into hotel for the "free" breakfast and some coffee. The room is large and empty of patrons. But there is a woman servicing the space. And, she wants a talking companion. So I oblige. Now mind you, I could have just driven away, but chose to go back in. The reason? For exactly this kind of an experience. The TV is on and tuned to a news channel. Some scumbag has hijacked a school bus. I am appalled, and so is the service woman. We start a conversation about kids, and what the world is coming too etc etc. We are just two women talking, I am certain she has no idea. I am amazed, as she continues to chat as I eat. Then she compliments me on my nails, I blush. Amazing. She wishes me well on my trip, and as I get up to toss my plasticware she takes it from me and says "allow me". Wow! This is what I want, this is how I want my world to be everyday.

I drive to WI. I am amazed at how similar this part of the country is to where I grew up in Western NY. Farms, fields, small towns. I arrive about noon. I am so nervous, I pull over a few roads away from my destination (there are no blocks per se here). I reapply my lipstick, check my makeup one more time. You only get one chance at a first impression. I go the last few roads and pull in. Jody comes to the door, and big, long hug. It is so great to meet my friend in person.

We have that initial get to know y0u for real chat, and then get me situated. Her house is in the woods, it is lovely, lush and green and backs to trees. She has three Golden Retrievers and I love dogs so this is a great match. She is basically the person I expected her to be. We had talked online many times and on the phone a few too. She tells me, Wow! You look great! I am flattered, you can never hear that enough if you are a person like me. :)

Her partner Beth comes in a while, she was out shopping for dinner ingredients, and she is delightful. Imagine a "lite" version of Frances McDormand from Fargo. She has what she calls a Sheboygan twang that is captivating. (Ya Ya) She is so authentic, so earthy, so wonderful. I love her. And she has that common thread I see in so many partners of transwomen who were married before the transition. She gets it. And she loves the other person regardless of gender. They are genuine soulmates. In light of my own situation what these people and others like them (and I know more than a couple) have is so special and remarkable I am in awe.

I catch them up on the sordid details of my imploding homelife. We take a stroll around their neighborhood, with their three pooches. I note to myself, this is the first time I have ever gone for a stroll in a residential neighborhood as "me". Beth comments on how pretty my hair is blowing in the breeze. I tell her if it were only "really" was my hair. We meet people and kids along the way, nobody bats an eye.

In Wisconsin Friday night means going out for a fish fry. So we do. We all go to this quaint joint overlooking a local lake. The bubbly blond hostess comes and says good evening ladies, what can I get for you. I look around, no stares, no glances, we are just three girls out for dinner. I am astounded still, but I guess I should not be. We have a lovely dinner and more conversation. Then head home.

As we are sitting around and chatting at length Jody brings out the banjo and starts playing, she has some chops (that is musician for plays well). I listen and chat about all kinds of things with the two of them. Eventually Beth says "Hot tub?" It is apparently an evening ritual. I blanch for a moment. Yes I have a suit, but I have never been a girl in a swim suit before. I pause and then say, sure, why not. I figure, what the hell, when am I going to have this kind of chance again and an understanding pair of companions. I don the suit, and emerge. Their first comment is "wow". I am flattered. I ask do I look OK? They say great, and the thing they like the most, my legs. I apparently have girl legs. Wow! In I go. We sit and chat more, girl talk mostly, we pass the time by lobbing a tennis ball to the pooches who fetch it from the yard and bring it back and drop it in the frothing water for another toss. I remark to Jody, if you told me I would be right here, and look like this, a year ago I would have told you you were nuts. And yet, here I am.

After a bit of long conversation we get out and head for bed. I retire in bliss.

So Jody is the leader of a bluegrass band, for real. And the next day Jody and Beth have a gig at a local craft fair. They will play two sets. I help them "hump" gear and setup the PA system. And I get to mix the sound for the show. Something I used to do in my college days. There is a lot going on here so bear with me for a bit. So she has 7 other members in this band. Her partner Beth plays the dulcimer, Jody plays banjo and mandolin. And the other six people are friends whom they have known for years. Back before Jody was Jody. And that is something in itself. Here is a woman who is out there, gets on stage and has all of these friends who are fond enough and supportive enough to be on stage in public and perform with her. Remarkable. And what an example for the rest of us. Not only is she not stealth, she is actually un-stealth.

There is a young girl standing by trying to put together a sign for the festival, the kind you would pound into the ground. She is standing there frustrated, a cordless drill in her hand, the bit in the other one. She complains, Grandpa I don't know how to do it. I go over to her, I say what is up hon? She is tentative with me, after all who is this six foot tall broad she does not know. I say do you know how to put the bit in? She shrugs, I take the drill and demonstrate the chuck, and bit. She goes, oh, that is how it works. I take the bit out and tell her, now you do it. She does and smiles. She starts driving the screws into the sign, her technique needs some help. I show her how a girl does it, hand on the heel of the drill. She adapts and the screws go right in. I say to her, now you are not waiting on some guy anymore to tell you how to do it! She smiles, and nods.

I see her later in the day and she waves to me and comes over and talks. I can tell by her demeanor she is curious about me. But she does not do more than just chat. It is always the young girls that clock us so easily, I am sure she has, but she says nothing.

In between sets we lunch at a local watering hole, me, Jody, Beth and about 8 of their friends. I have a beer and a brat, it is after all still Wisconsin. It is just a day out with everybody. I am totally accepted. Perhaps I am dwelling on this too much. I go to the ladies room, freshen up, and we are back to the gig. I am wowed again. I am me, finally, and it is working. And I am not in the "trans" bubble of a conference or group. I am not in some metro region, or a "gayborhood". This is middle America. This is the real world.

As I sit and wait for the last set to finish, Pete, one of the organizers comes over to me and asks how I am doing. He's shorter than me, 50-ish, with a salt and pepper beard and all, and an ample waistline, a nice guy for certain. He sidles up next to me and puts his arm around me. I am momentarily stunned. He says, you have taken good care of them today, well done. I am flattered on two fronts. One that I did a good job and somebody noticed, and two, either Pete knows I am trans and does not care, or he thinks I am an natal woman, and, I suspect the latter. Wow. How did that happen? Beth jokes later, she thinks he is sweet on me. I blush.

We get home, take their dogs to a local dog park for a run. Jody and Beth don't have kids so the canines are their family, and it shows. If I ever am reincarnated as a dog, I want to be one of their dogs. Talk about TLC. In this case a dogs life, is pretty cushy.

And so later at dinner, while reviewing the day, Jody concocts this nutty scheme, she proposes to me that I play the Bass the next day in her band. Apparently there is a church gig. I had indeed done a church gig before, but mind you it was over twenty years ago, I was a guy, and I played the trumpet, not bass... Oh, and the fact that I do not actually know how to play the bass appears to be no obstacle to her plan.

So about an hour later, to my surprise, I find myself playing an acoustic bass, with nails on. And learning the part, and doing well enough that I feel I am actually adding to the sound. So I agree to do it. I figure I only live once, why not? So Sunday morn arrives, I don my pretty print dress and become one of the ladies going to church that day. With one exception, not only am I going to a church, I will be playing in the front of the place. Talk about immersion.

Everybody seems friendly and smiles. So the service starts. Now mind you I am spiritual but not religious, and so church settings always make me a bit nervous to start. Never mind, this is not my, or Jody's church even. And I am here as a guest. So I rise and sit, and sing in my best attempt at girl singing voice (which does not seem to alarm anybody). And then our turn comes.

Up to the front I go. Collect my (Jody's really) bass. And there is Pete again, he is apparently going to play guitar with the band too. He takes my bass and tunes it for me. I feel so helpless. I am not the sort that usually depends on anybody for anything. I sit on my stool and play the song. We do not sound half bad. I mentally pinch myself, I am playing bass, as a woman, in a church, in front of people I do not know. Amazing. We finish the song, and head back to our pew. All the ladies are smiling at me as I pass, some reach out and touch my arm and say thank you. I am totally floored.

After the service we are tearing down, I notice the same little cutie from the day before, she is hovering again. It turns out she is Pete's granddaughter. I ask her to give us a hand, she does, and we go and load the car up with the gear. She is the one who takes the photo of all of us. I have a quiet moment with her and ask, do you want to ask me a question honey? And she does but is so polite she just nods her head no. I know she knows, she knows I know she knows too. But she is sweet and wishes me goodbye and good luck.

I have two more days left in Wisconsin, and I know they are going to be interesting yet. But you will have to wait for the next installment. Next I will jump back to Be All and talk about the parties, dancing and outings. Stay tuned. On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah...